Full circle

I've been anticipating July 27th for months now - as the anniversary of Paul's death it seemed to be a turning point, the day when all the anniversaries had passed for the first time. A time of closure perhaps. But the day came, and circumstances beyond my design meant that my planned time of reflection didn't eventuate (who knew that even churches with "always open" doors had limited opening hours).

Maybe that wasn't a coincidence. As I thought about what the one year anniversary meant to me, I started to realise that I hadn't really come full circle until today, the anniversary of Paul's funeral. And today I did manage my trip to the solitude of the church to spend some time thinking over the last year and allowing myself to really feel the grief that is still with me.

The funny thing is that in allowing myself to feel the pain of Paul's death there is a measure of peace. The past is gone, although not forgotten. But my life is in the present, and it moves only forward. Carpe diem.